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Conflict in the Church: Helps for Leaders

1. Conflict

Conflict is a part of human relations. It can range in degree from minor differences of opinion to murder and war. It is difficult to deal with when it becomes conflict between persons in church. This article outlines some of the sources or triggers of conflict in a church in order to aid understanding and suggests some strategies to deal with it.  It is written to help ministers and other church leaders. Not all criticism or difference of opinion needs to lead to conflict. But sometimes conflict develops because of the issues, sometimes because of the people involved, and sometimes because of both.

2. Triggers

Loyal Opposition

This is a constructive difference of mind between people who are in a secure and loyal relationship to one another. It is like gold. Listen hard and strengthen these relationships.

Criticism

Constructive

From whatever motive the criticism is true or can lead to positive outcomes.

Cultural

People who want something to be like what they were used to in their previous church, family, country, town, marriage .... Or like another church/minister/event they value highly.

Doctrinal/Ecclesiastical

Differences about theology or church practice.

About Change

Some criticism is symptomatic of fear of change. It is coping with change that is the deeper issue rather than the presenting problem.

Performance

Are you doing as well as the previous minister, as people expect you to, as Moses or Jesus would do?

Personal/Family

Criticism of your lifestyle, your children's behaviour, your spouse's choice of clothes...

Anonymous Letters

These are usually hurtful, often slanderous and commonly wrapped up in spiritual or religious jargon. If you have to read them throw them away immediately, don't repeat their contents and don't show them to others. You may need to deal with the hurt caused (with your spiritual mentor or other helpful person).

Transference

Sometimes criticisms may be about something other than the presenting issue. Sometimes people wrongly put upon leaders the responsibility to meet various needs - to be a father figure, a perfect child etc. Sometimes they unconsciously confuse the leader with their spouse, parent, or employer - and transfer their anger, frustration, or sexual desire on to the leader instead of the appropriate person.

3. The People Behind the Conflict

Ordinary People

Most people involved in conflict are ordinary people who probably don't have a clear understanding of the process of conflict or even the issues being debated. They are well meaning and don't start off polarised. Some are the gatekeepers and proprietors of the church. Many are loyal friends.

"Professional" critics

These are people who perhaps have problems with authority figures; or who have major personal problems; or who have an exaggerated view of their own abilities or knowledge.

Trouble makers

John Simpson the General Superintendent of the Baptist Union of Victoria lists some characteristics of what he calls troublemakers.

* TM's are usually long term church members.

* TM's are mostly to be found in the leadership structure of the church.

* TM's, to their credit, are often very active in the life of the church but usually in areas of ministry where they have control over others.

* TM's are functional in their church involvement. They thrive on getting things done but in ways which have no regard for the effect on others.

* Many TM's come from a professional or business background.

* It is by no means uncommon for a TM to be actively involved in some form of para church ministry.

TMs are rescuers and controllers. They have a high view of their own abilities and insight, they network, see things in black and white and will gather to themselves the unsettled and concerned.

Not all critics are troublemakers.

Damaged people

Some people carry many hurts from past years. They have suffered at the hands of others, including church leaders, but the hurts have never been healed, nor the issues resolved. But all this is submerged. They present as able caring spiritual people, keen to help and active in church life. They are hard to pick at first. They will often begin in victim mode and having gained sympathy change to a focussed aggression towards the leader. Division is the normal consequence. But congregations can stand against them. They have most power in public meetings.

4. Handling Conflict

Recognise the power brokers

Each congregation has different power brokers. Not all are in positions of leadership. In fact sometimes the power is greater if they are not in any accountable position. Build relationships with those who influence others.

The Leader's Strength

The leader/minister may be one of the sources of trouble outlined in section 3 above. However to help a church resolve conflict the leader will need confidence in their call; in themselves; and in God. Such strength needs to be of the meek kind described in Philippians 2 and Matthew 5. Getting one's ego tangled up in the issues will certainly prolong and worsen the conflict.

The Leader's Weaknesses

The way the leader responds to criticism, or opposition, will make a difference to whether conflict develops. Sometimes the leader is insecure and defensive. When they have allowed their ego to become mixed up with their ministry, it is more difficult to be objective about what others are saying. Ignorance is only a weakness if the leader is unwilling to benefit from the wisdom of others.

Leading in a Team

Leadership is generally better done in a group. When conflict threatens this is certainly the case. Make sure you work with other leaders in the congregation to understand the issues, to work out strategies, and to build relationships with the critics. Working in a team means others will be able to communicate better than you with some of the opposition.

Conciliation responses

Thomas Fischer outlines 12 conciliation responses to conflict. The six healthy ones are:

•Overlooking the unimportant

•Discussion

•Negotiation

•Mediation

•Arbitration

•Church discipline

Submitting to Review

Allow your leadership team to review your ministry regularly.

Articles by Thomas Fischer and John Simpson are available here.

Dale Appleby 2000

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