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Fathers

June 15, 2008  - Dale

Fathers have been under siege in the last couple of decades. But some recent films have managed to portray some of the complexities of being a father. The Kite Runner comes to mind as does the earlier film Babel.

Most fathers will identify with the pressures described in these films. Grief, tragedy, work pressures, conflicts in family, political and economic stress, absence from children, and uncertainty about how to be a father.

Both films give a sense of things out of control, of situations not encountered before. Being films, the stories are perhaps exaggerated. But not untrue. Across many cultures and traditions, the culture and tradition is changing. Old patterns are no longer in place. What our fathers did is not always a help to us because we find ourselves in circumstances that don’t have any history. Things were not like this before.

This is made worse if we think that fathers don’t get any practice or training at being fathers.  Sometimes it can feel like that. But those who have grown up with fathers have had a kind of apprenticeship. We have been able to observe, take note (sometimes along the lines of “I will never do that!”) and absorb a way of being a father.

Not all this learning has been positive. For some of us the model was pretty bad and is in danger of being repeated. For some there was little to go on and so we have watched other people’s fathers or maybe just tried to make it up as we go.

But for lots of us the models were good. We have much to be thankful for. But now we are the models. We are not only fathers but model fathers, showing our sons how to be a father, showing our daughters what kind of a father they should expect for their children.

The heart of being a father has not changed. The circumstances may be very different. The pressures on us and on our children may be radically different. But the thing that is at the heart of being a father is the heart of the father. A heart in the first place in love with his wife. A heart in the second place loving his children.

But also a mind that understands it is parents that bring up children not mothers or fathers alone. That understands that fathers don’t have to be gods, but rather that the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ is also their father whom they can trust and ask for help.

Dale

Comments

Yes, being a father is not easy. But how about being a separated father? This can be even harder. I have lost regular contact with my beautiful half-Australian half-Indonesian child - through no fault of my own. It's very important that separated fathers like me are helped and supported to maintain regular contact with their children. And to the single Mums, please don't hate or abuse your ex spouse. He's really a good man.

Posted by Roger on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 11:53:41

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